Final month of 2022, and here I am; miserable and still struggling to make ends meet. Plans are going up in smoke and I'm feeling more demotivated.

It's been a difficult year, and yet I feel like I could of done so much more. With load shedding, further worsening my schedule, I can't help but ask myself; when will it all end? Furthermore, I've become more tired than usual lately. I'll have to assume, my sleepy deprivation has gotten worse than it was before; and even if I'm trying to rest more often, my body still shuts down from the slightest amount of over exertion.

When I try to make time to play a brand new game, or go back to one I enjoy; I'll have to say they I've wasted to much of my life on free-to-play battle pass completions, only for my efforts to feel bittersweet. IDK; I think I just miss playing a game to relax to, than being casually competitive in PVP. I just don't feel like I'm ready for these types of games at my current age.

At this point; I'll just have let things play through, and worse comes to worse, then so be it.

Another year I grow older. And the underwhelming part is that there's no load shedding to ruin my night; as if I wanted it to.

Right now, I'm pass my mid-30s of age, and could use an update to my sona OC. Been working on it, but didn't expect it to be this late. I had 6 others (One I already made, but will be redesigning that character to match the theme) in the works, but they too will have to wait.

Don't have much else to add, since I'm kind of at a loss for what I want prepare, for the next Devil's Night. I just wish I had more time to do anything with my free time.

So it eventually comes to this, where I've given myself too much, with little to no opportunities to work with. Now that COVID (or any other Winter sickness) is no longer at it's strongest, for the time being; I may need to change things up a bit.

Also this year's gotten a lot rough than I expected, I feel like every VTuber I grow attached to, at a very late stage, starts graduating shortly after. Right now, only one of them came back, looking brand new, and in good hands, this time; because their retrenchment was undeserved.

As for art, everything's become stagnant with the ludicrous amount of time I spend watching YouTube and Twitch. And when I have to check up on submission notifs, it even more time, that I can't even make time to just continue where I left off. Also I've barely played any actual games for more than an hour (or even 20 minutes for that matter), and still cannot find time to do art.

Maybe it's time I stop subscribing/following new content creators; I've already have too many to keep up with, that the playlists I created to watch later, become endless.

Almost forgot to leave a journal, as I've come down with a cold and was trying to retire for the day.

As of now Fall/Autumn, did not go as planned as I haven't finished the concepts of OCs I had planned, plus the redesign of my persona. Half of my schedule's time has been spent checking for any news on Youtube, or trying to keep up with the many YouTubers/VTubers I've followed/subscribed. Some of that time spent on video games, that I barely play for fun anymore, and only to keep myself updated on free collectables.

As much as I repeat this ever so often; my schedule hasn't been fixed yet, and barely have time to continue with my drawings.

Pretty much will be taking things slowly from here onwards, until I feel comfortable to touch my pencil and paper. Might drop in some scraps, just to keep my galleries updated.

Funny how I predicted this year not being a blessing, as it has already started off negatively. A war has broken out; retrenchment from a Vtuber agency that shouldn't have happened, not to mention some of them being hit with COVID too. And now I'm having mixed feelings for one of them; I can't tell whether to love her, or be afraid of her. And because I have a habit of doing too much research, YouTube has been recommending me more dark web videos that I didn't ask for, now that I kinda added a very dark group of VTubers to my watch; I can't confirm if they're all part of that same circle, but I can confirm one of them is.

In other news, my sleep schedule hasn't improved, and it seems like my body is incapable of processing caffeine; doesn't matter how much coffee, tea, energy drinks and tonics (the latter one which I will not be going back to) I take, fatigue still finds a way to shut me down. Now that the heat has died down, I should feel a bit more comfortable sketching again. However, as much as I have some unfinished illustrations done, I feel like starting over. One being my sona and name for that particular character. Will also be focusing on concepts of several other characters that I have plans for. As of now, I'll be doing less anthro, and more of the non-human stuff after these. Now that ASMR (all of them coming from VTubers) is my only saving grace on fixing my sleep schedule, I still plan on paying my respects to Uruha Rushia, before all of her ASMR VODs get deleted; by listening to all of them one last time, on the last week of this month. Even now, I've never been this concerned over a talent's well being. I'm just hoping she's doing okay, and she'll find success elsewhere. Also, I hope everyone's Spring is going well for them too.

To end things off. I'm gonna predict 2023 will be even worse in the hopes that I'm wrong, when it happens.

Right now, I've forgotten when I got my 2nd shot; the side effects haven't been getting worse lately, and I seem to be fine regardless. 

But now, I'm struggling to just get a decent amount of sleep, because my family are inconsiderate. At this point I might as well make myself insomniac, as I feel much worse everyday trying to cope. Also with my best pairs of headphones broken, I can't even listen to ASMR in peace, with the crap ones I'm stuck with. And I'm also out of cash to buy both a pair of new ones, and afford an XBL Gold extension; so I'm saving up for the latter, in hopes that there is a discount.

With all the problems I'm having now, I've barely touched my art, and have been leaving them all as flat colored concepts. I had plans for Thanksgiving, but that'll have to wait. Whatever I have planned for December might never be scheduled on time, due to how unorganized my schedule has become.

Right now, the heat isn't helping with my situation, as I'm trying my best not to burn my savings on snacks, that would worsen my schedule even further.

Almost forgot my own birthday was up. Got so caught up in watching some of the HoloLive EN's Halloween VODs that I nearly forgot to check the date.

As for a minor health update; 2nd shot's side effects have been very meh, and I seem to be fine, nonetheless.

Anyway; happy Devil's Night, and try not to waste those toilet rolls on your neighbors. Your noses are gonna need them more than their houses.

Just letting everyone know; the 2nd shot is done.

Gonna try and take things slowly from here. Don't want to risk burning myself out, incase the symptoms are anything worse than the 1st shot.

So I am on the path of surviving this pandemic, with my first shot acquired. And now that Winter's being snuffed out, I can rest easy, a little.

However, my sleeping schedule has gotten worse, the past few weeks; and it's not because of the vaccine's side effects. Not only is my niece this troublesome to deal with, but her father's also being a problem. The guy picks some of the worst time, in the middle of the night, to decide he wants to watch a movie, or a game of soccer (football), in the front living room.

I've also been having trouble finding free time to draw. Seeing as I either spend too much time watching Vtubers, especially my favorites on Twitch. Add that with the time I spend treasure pack collecting, on Apex Legends; plus the time I use to either watch the Overwatch League, or to play for endorsement maintenance; and you got little to no time to even sketch anything.

Right now, I just realized I had plans on drawing 5 maids, that maybe heavily referenced off Tokyo Mew Mew, after my brother started cleaning up all the junk I left behind in my former bedroom, we shared. Should the opportunity strikes, I will try an attempt to sketch their concepts.

Also I've been streaming some games off Discord, mostly having rogue-like gameplay, just as practice for any possible future plans.

Just to let everyone know that I got my first vaccine shot, today; in case the side effects become a problem later on.