It's still hot here. Even though the heat should be dying down a bit, I'm still overwhelmed by the harsh weather, and it's put a huge strain on my efforts to do anything. I've already forgotten when was the last time I've picked up the pencil and paper. At this point I don't think it's the heat that's demotivating me, it's just me.

I've been looking for every excuse to just sleep off my troubles, and this feeling has been getting worse everyday. Even now I can't seem to find anything to entertain myself. My body is in constant discomfort, and the fatigue just comes out of nowhere, the moment I was feeling confident to do something.

While I feel like Summer has ruined my free time, I'm just going to end up squandering the time I could use during Autumn, regardless if the weather becomes suitable for the occasion. This year might actually be a lot shorter than expected. However, I still don't see any improvements. Still feels like it's getting worse as we progress further into the year.

Decided to post this journal late; since I wanted some solitude to myself for the whole day.

Not going to add much about this end of the year, but I once was told "If I think this year was bad, the years to follow will be much worse." So far it's been that way for the past 2 years. Been putting off on a lot, and did a lot of nothing "Year of the Dragon" related. A lot has happened this year, and it made me angry about it every day.

For once, loadshedding stopped being a problem. But our crime rate is another major problem. TBH, I don't even remember when last a crime happened around my neighborhood, and yet it still feels as safe as it is, like it usually was. I feel like I've slept more than usual, and I can't tell if it's from fatigue, or I got too use to relaxing that all I ever do is sleep.

Gonna cut the journal short. Brain empty right now, and need to relax again. Not gonna post anymore until Autumn, or something. I'm just really tired right now.

Oh BTW; I forgot to tell everyone...

https://bsky.app/profile/misterhaxwell.bsky.social

Winter's over, but out of nowhere, I feel congested on the last day. And I was doing perfectly fine for the majority of Winter too.

Anyways, not much has changed for the better. I've been taking my time trying to get back to doing art again, yet I always find something to distract me away from it. I've also got a phone that I can use. Although I'm still having trouble trying to verify my phone number, on several accounts.

Hoping everything sails smoothly from here on.

Right now, load shedding kinda stopped. However, looking at the elections' votes tell me the corrupt parties are still going to maintain control. Pretty much meaning we're going to have to deal with the same problems for another year. You'd think my country has learnt by now what's been the problem by now, but they continue to be fooled by the same people in charge.

Not much has happened last season. Still trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong, and how to fix my schedule. Still haven't found a job yet, and still living off chore money. This year's looking very grim, and I wish I wasn't alive to witness it all.

I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the scanners not working, now that it's been separated from my PC, and it's not working for any of my other family members' modern machines. The good news is that I'm in a better and proper room for me to work in peace, now that my 2nd older sister's moved out after getting married. However, her cat's still with us, for the time being, until she decides to take her with. 

My room could still use some work on the rearrangements, but I'm finally free from hearing my eldest sister's constant bickering with her child, every day outside my previous room. As for work, now that I'm trying to find a job, has not been looking good, due to my country's constant fall in their economy right now. Until something's available soon, I'm stuck living off of chore money.

Also load shedding is still being an asshole to my everyday activities. And still has not been improving the current state that my country's infrastructure has been in lately.

Not gonna post much here. Load shedding's still a problem. Schedule's still impossible to keep up with. And the heat right now is not helping in remedying the situation. Will try to finish any Year of the Rabbit artwork, before New Years; if I have the strength for it.

Not much to add here. Still miserable; load shedding is still a dick to my activities; and my body age is beginning to show. Devil's Night is coming soon, and I'm not even excited about it.

Been toying around with an AI art generator lately, to see how it draws my existing works; however, I don't plan on uploading AI art, but I will be showcasing them for my friends eyes only. Year's going by fast, And I barely saved up money to do better things with my life. Still stuck using Windows 7, with no plans on upgrading soon.

Not sure what plans I'll have for the upcoming Summer, but for now I'm just gonna take things slowly. I've deprived myself of sleep too many times to make an improvement with my life style.

Winter came a lot sooner, and with the corruption of our electricity company constantly screwing me over my free time, I'm back to square one; still trying to figure out how to manage my schedule. Depriving myself of sleep hasn't been doing wonders for me lately, and has only made me more tired than usual. Tiredness I wish I didn't had during the amount of time before the power cuts again.

To be honest, I'm not feeling any happier with where things are going these days. Even my dreams are trying to remind of how much I hate my family, or try to predict something bad is going to happen; and it only gets more depressing from there. A person wants to sleep, but then you're filled with dread that you might have the same dreams, trying to remind you, that there's no hope for you. And when you realize it's an actual dream, you try your utmost darndest to never wake up; because who the hell wants to live on this miserable planet in this modern age anymore; definitely not me.

More problems to come, and I'm always anticipating another worse scenario about unfold soon. I'm already prepared to accept that some of my bad dreams, may become reality. Pessimism is too strong and I feel like I was right to not believe that there is still hope left.

Finally an end to a horrible month, if I was a VTuber right now. Other than those, the days have gotten a lot shorter. It feels like only less than 12 hours long, because of Load Shedding.

Schedule hasn't been improving; tried staying up all night to get things done, and immediately regret it later. Multi-tasking has never been this frustrating to do, and always burns out when the mood starts setting in. Even now I'm struggling to right up a brief journal of what's happening, and I can't help but wanna stop writing another.

I just wish everything goes well after a horrible start to a new year; which I will always predict will be worst than the previous. And as my pessimism grows, I can clearly say 2024 will be even worse.

Final month of 2022, and here I am; miserable and still struggling to make ends meet. Plans are going up in smoke and I'm feeling more demotivated.

It's been a difficult year, and yet I feel like I could of done so much more. With load shedding, further worsening my schedule, I can't help but ask myself; when will it all end? Furthermore, I've become more tired than usual lately. I'll have to assume, my sleepy deprivation has gotten worse than it was before; and even if I'm trying to rest more often, my body still shuts down from the slightest amount of over exertion.

When I try to make time to play a brand new game, or go back to one I enjoy; I'll have to say they I've wasted to much of my life on free-to-play battle pass completions, only for my efforts to feel bittersweet. IDK; I think I just miss playing a game to relax to, than being casually competitive in PVP. I just don't feel like I'm ready for these types of games at my current age.

At this point; I'll just have let things play through, and worse comes to worse, then so be it.